Mark S. Mitchell

Pastor, Writer, Follower of Jesus


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A New Devotional for the New Year

Over the past few years I have compiled devotions which have been taken directly from sermons written by Ray C. Stedman, pastor of Peninsula Bible Church in Palo Alto, California. The first set of devotions titled, The Power of His Presence, has 7,700 daily email subscribers. The second set of devotions titled, Immeasurably More, is set to begin tomorrow. 

These devotions seek to be true to Stedman’s commitment to book-by-book exposition. Each month a different book, or major portion of a book, is explored from beginning to end in bite-sized pieces, alternating from month to month between New and Old Testament books. Each selection is designed to be accompanied with an open Bible, as it includes a portion of Scripture to be read along with an excerpt from one of Stedman’s sermons on the same passage. Additionally, at the beginning of each selection is a printed verse from the passage that serves as the focal point of Stedman’s comments. A prayer at the end of each selection helps readers apply the lessons they have learned from that passage to their lives.

As a new year brings the start of new beginnings, it is my hope that these devotions will provide a spiritual diet for growing believers who desire to know more of the power of His presence in their lives. The following link will always bring you to the devotional for the day so you may wish to bookmark it in your browser. Give it a try to get started with today’s: Daily Devotional. 


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The Battle for the Baby

What really happened at the first Christmas? Revelation 12:1-5 takes us behind the scenes of the first Christmas and helps us to see what in reality was happening. We might call it “the battle for the baby.” Envision the scene in your mind as it unfolds:

A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter.” And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. Rev. 12:1–5

The book of Revelation has fascinated and bewildered Christians for years. George Bernard Shaw saw it as the “curious record of the visions of a drug addict.” But this scene really has a very clear message about the first Christmas. To understand it we need to first identify the principle characters.

The first character is a woman. She represents the nation Israel. Throughout the OT Israel is depicted as a woman about to give birth. She was chosen as God’s instrument to bring the Messiah into the world. She was the womb through which Christ was formed and out of which he came and this was a great honor but also a great pain.

The second character is the dragon, who is pictured standing before the woman prepared to devour the baby when he was born. Later we read of the great dragon, the serpent of old who is called the devil and Satan. From the day he was born Jesus was the object of Satan’s vicious intent to destroy him or at least to keep him from accomplishing his mission. The impression we have here is that the baby doesn’t have a chance! How will the newborn baby possibly stand up to a great dragon with seven heads and ten horns?

The third character is the child that is born. A male child, a son, was born who is Jesus Christ. He will “rule the nations with an iron scepter.” This child is the One who ultimately rules, not the dragon. All that John tells us about Jesus is that he was born and then was snatched up to God and to his throne. That’s the shortest life of Christ ever written! Christ was born and 40 days after his resurrection he ascended into heaven, was seated at the right hand of the Father where he rules over his people and from where he will come again in judgement. The important thing is that the great dragon was unable to devour the baby. Satan tried and tried and tried in various ways to keep Christ from accomplishing the Father’s purpose in being the spotless lamb of God that would atone for the sins of the world by his voluntary offering of himself on the cross, but he failed.

This scene gives unique insight into the birth of Christ. This is a different picture than the typical manger scene you might see on the latest Hallmark card. In the quiet, peaceful barn among the cows and goats and shepherds and wise men and Joseph there was a dragon on the loose and his sole intent was to devour (lit. “eat”) the baby. We like to think of this baby as tender and mild but the fact is he is destined to rule the nations with an iron scepter. He will shatter his enemies like earthenware. The manger was a violent scene where great powers clashed and great things were at stake. It was Robert Southwell who wrote back in the second century:

This little babe so few days old 

is come to rifle Satan’s fold. 

All hell doth at his presence quake

though he himself for cold do shake. 

Do not buy into a “Hallmark Christmas”. The world wants to keep Christmas tame. Who can argue with a cute little baby lying in a pile of soft hay? The world likes Christmas as long as it’s safe, but it’s not safe. The coming of Christ was the focal point of a great battle, a battle that has been waged throughout eternity. The bottom line is that Jesus has won. The fatal blow had been delivered, one that would result in Satan’s complete demise. The joy and peace we celebrate at Christmas is the result of knowing and trusting in the victory of the One destined to rule the nations with an iron scepter!


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Decision Making in Marriage

Early in our marriage, my wife and I had to make a huge decision about whether or not to accept a ministry position in another church. Since the church was nearly an hour away from where we lived, it would require a move. It would be a step of faith for us to move to a new community and start a job with people we hardly knew. Eventually we decided to go for it, but only after some anxious conversations.

How do couples make decisions? After over 35 years of marriage, I’ve come to believe that several important things ought to be considered in this process. While the decision making process may not look exactly alike for every couple, here are a few things we’ve learned:

  1. Decide on your values and goals first, and let your decisions flow from that. The biggest decision a couple will make is to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). That decision is the biggest of all, and once you’ve made it, many of the smaller things will become clear. Even just some agreed upon long term goals can go a long way in helping make short term decisions.
  2. Share honestly with each other your desires and feelings about the decision. It’s easy to take this for granted, but I’m often surprised when I talk to couples about how one of them doesn’t feel free to share what they really feel. That also means both husband and wife need to really listen to the other’s heart. Just because Lynn says something once doesn’t mean she feels like I’ve heard her. Sometimes I need to hear it again to understand the emotional power behind her words.
  3. Reflect on if there’s anything in Scripture that can inform your decision. Many of the decisions you make are morally neutral and there’s no clear biblical principle to guide you, but sometimes there is something that bears upon your decision. If you’re both in the Word often, you’re in a better position to receive his guidance.
  4. Pray together about the decision. Again, I’m amazed that regardless of how obvious this is, how few couples really do pray about their decisions. Maybe a big decision could be an occasion for what Paul talked about in Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
  5. Seek oneness in your decisions, but also recognize each other’s unique strengths. While the big decisions should be made together, couples can delegate decisions to one another in their areas of strength. For example, if my wife is better with investments, it would be wise for me to trust her with those decisions.
  6. If you can’t agree on a decision, wait until a decision has to be made. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is to make a big decision prematurely. While you wait, continue to pray, seek outside counsel from trusted friends and mentors, and continue to gather information.
  7. If a decision must be made and you still can’t agree, let the husband lead. Here is where the rubber meets the road in Paul’s counsel, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:22, 25). This arrangement isn’t tied to value or ability. Jesus was equal with the Father, but he still submitted to him. Ultimately, he trusted his Father knew what was best. Many men use their “headship” as a club to force their wife to submit, but a husband’s call is to love his wife. Love doesn’t demand its own way. When I love my wife, I won’t force my will upon her for selfish purposes. I’ll always consider what’s best for her.


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How to Tame the Tongue

Do some damage control. We might have to start by doing some damage control. Some of the best words we can ever say are “I’m sorry.” Proverbs says in chapter 12 verse 15 that “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes…” Since we all in what we say, saying “I’m sorry” a lot is an absolute necessity for a relationship to remain close. If you’re in a marriage or a close friendship or if you’re a parent and these words aren’t on your lips a lot then something is probably very wrong. Taming the tongue means doing some damage control.

Listen and think. We should listen and think before we respond. Prov. 18:13: “He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him.” Also, Prov. 15:28: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil things.” Both of these verses suggest that we listen before we respond and we think through what we say before we say it. Often times as we do that we’ll have some doubts about what we intended at first to say. A good rule of thumb is, if in doubt, don’t say it. There is a sense here that we should slow down in our speech. Sometimes we’re impressed with the one who has a quick response, but usually that’s a recipe for disaster, especially when emotions are out of control.

Deal with the source. Proverbs also suggests that we go to the source of our words. The source of what comes out of our mouths is what lies beneath the surface. The real issue is our heart. Prov. 4:23-24: “Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put devious lips far from you.” It would be a mistake if you somehow got the idea that the way to respond to this is to go out and try really hard to control your tongue. The real problem is not with our tongue but with our heart. Jesus said, “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” When I shake a salt shaker, what comes out? Salt. Why does salt come out and not something else? Because there’s salt inside. What else could possibly come out of the shaker than what’s in it? You see, whatever is in your heart comes out of you—especially when people shake you. When I give in to the temptation to say something harsh or cruel, I realize that the problem isn’t with my vocal chords—the problem is with my heart. I see who I am by the words I speak. It’s the same for all of us. Your words reveal who you really are.

In order to change our words, we must change our hearts. But how do we do that? When my dad had a heart attack years ago, his doctor told him he needed bypass surgery. Obviously, my dad couldn’t perform the operation on himself, but neither could the doctor if my dad didn’t cooperate. He had to submit himself to the surgeon so the surgeon could do his job. In the same way, if you want a changed heart, you have to submit yourself to God so he can change you. In the Psalms, David wrote, “Create in me a pure heart, O God.” (Ps 51:10). That’s where you start. To change your heart, give it to God. Submit it to him. The key to taming the tongue is to keep our heart yielded to the Lord. That’s impossible unless you have Jesus dwelling in your heart, but when we invite Christ to come into our lives he comes in and he begins a process of transformation from the inside out. From that point on we have a choice to yield to the Spirit or yield to the flesh. Going to the source means yielding to the Spirit; it means repenting of my bitterness, jealousy, selfishness and lack of faith which gave rise to harsh words in the first place.

As I think about the powerful impact that our words have on our relationships I’m reminded that one of the great themes of Scripture is the idea that God himself has spoken to us. Our God is a God who speaks. But, how does he speak to us?  Hebrews 1:1-2a says, “In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways. But in these last days he has spoken to us through His Son…” You see, the preeminent way that God has spoken to us is through the One who is called the Word of God, Jesus Christ. He is the “Word made flesh.” He’s the communication of God to us. He’s the one who expresses to us the heart of the Father. And what a word that is! Sometimes we question how important our words really are. We say, “Oh, mere words, what can they do?” But if anything should convince us of the importance of words in our relationships it is this fact that when God chose to speak to us he chose to speak in one word—his Son. This wasn’t a careless word, was it? This was communication at its best.

As God’s beloved children who have his Spirit dwelling within, we have the privilege of imitating his gracious speech. No one can tame the tongue; you can’t, I can’t. But there is One who can. Will you come to him and ask him to heal your tongue?


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The Life-Giving Tongue

If death and life are in the power of the tongue, how do I bring life with the things I say to others? Let me suggest a few things, all from the book of Proverbs. 

Good words are few. The Lord’s Prayer is only 56 words long, but the Department of Agriculture needed 15,629 words to discuss the pricing of cabbage. It’s not using many words that makes a difference; it’s using the right words. Proverbs 10:19 says, “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who retrains his lips is wise.” The more we talk, the more we sin. It could be misleading information, thoughtless advice, sarcasm, or expressions of pride. The wise person will use words sparingly. The Quakers used to put it this way, “Never break the silence, unless you can improve upon it.” Another proverb makes the same point with irony. Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips, he is counted prudent.” Strong, silent types are NOT always wise, but we usually think they’re wise, especially compared to those who are constantly spouting off. Words are like dollars. As we print more dollars, they become inflated and the value of those dollars goes down.

Good words are true. Proverbs 12:22 says, “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal faithfully are his delight.” The contrast here is between those who lie and those who deal faithfully. To lie is to deal unfaithfully with those around us. Think how our society depends on truth. What would it be like if we couldn’t believe what we read in our newspapers?  At the heart of journalism is a commitment to tell the truth. How would you feel about that over—the—counter medicine if you couldn’t trust what’s on the label? What about sports? We know how important it is not to cheat. Play by the rules or the whole thing falls apart. In relationships there is no community or friendship apart from truth. Where there is no truth there is no trust and where there is no trust there is no real community.

Good words are fitting. It’s not just enough that words are true. It’s possible to say something that’s right and true but totally inappropriate. Good words are also fitting.  Words that are fitting are timely and appropriate. Proverbs 15:23 says, “A man has joy in an apt answer, And how delightful is a timely word.” An apt answer and a timely word are easily recognized by the response that they invoke. They bring joy and delight to the hearer. To speak words that are fitting requires that we think as much about where and when we say something as what we say. Think back to words that have harmed you in the past. They might have been true, but chances are they came at the wrong time and in the wrong place. Good words are fitting words.

Good words are calming. Proverbs also says that good words are calming words. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” A gentle, soft and tender word calms a situation that’s about to get out of control while a harsh word just makes things worse. Here is a secret about how to deal with potentially explosive situations. Your spouse is angry at you because you got home late from work. You’re irritated because you did everything you could to get home early, but all you want to do is sit down and read the paper. In a slightly accusatory way she tells you she needs some help in the kitchen and why won’t you ever talk to her. You don’t feel like doing either. But how you respond may be the difference between a tense moment that blows over and World War III. Good words are words which by their tone and content defuse a situation.

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, has lectured throughout this country on the powerful, and often negative impact of words. He often asks audiences if they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, another person. Invariably, a small number of listeners raise their hands, signifying “Yes.” Others laugh, and quite a few call out, “No!” Telushkin responds: “Those who can’t answer ‘yes’ must recognize that you have a serious problem. If you can’t go 24 hours without drinking liquor, you’re addicted to alcohol. If you can’t go 24 hours without smoking, you’re addicted to nicotine. So if you can’t go 24 hours without saying unkind words about others, then you’ve lost control over your tongue.”

Most of us would have to admit, that’s me. So the real question is, how can we tame our tongue? Complete mastery of the tongue is impossible for any of us, but we can make progress. We don’t have to go through life tasting the bitter fruit of an out of control tongue. Proverbs says a number of things about this as well. I will write of that in my next post.


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Words Matter

Words matter. If there’s anything the Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin situation teaches us, it’s that. The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me,” is nonsense. Words do far more damage than sticks and stones. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but they can’t kill our spirit like words can.

The Bible talks a lot about the importance of our words. This past year, if someone paid you ten dollars for every kind and helpful word you spoke about others or to others, but also collected ten dollars from you for every unkind word you spoke about or to others, would you be rich or poor? If the New Testament is right, we might all be broke. James writes, “All kinds of animals have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It’s a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

The words we say create most of the problems we face. Most problems at church or in the workplace are the result of words. Most divorces aren’t caused by adultery or desertion; they’re caused by words. Most conflicts between parents and children aren’t the result of some generation gap; they’re the result of words. Think about your own relationships for a moment. What has been said to you that has stung or crushed your spirit or just took the wind out of your sails for days? It might have been something said to you many years ago, but you remember, and it still hurts. Think about the things you’ve said that had the same impact on others. Once those words were out of your mouth they could never be retrieved. You really can’t take it back, can you? Our words become an enduring part of every relationship we have.

That’s why the Bible says so much about our words. It teaches us the words we speak will make or break the relationships we have. Learn to season your speech with grace and your relationships will grow in depth and in joy and in peace. Leave your tongue unbridled and it will poison your own life and those you love the most. No where is this more clearly stated than in Proverbs 18:20-21:

With the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach will be satisfied; he will be satisfied with the product of his lips. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

These verses speak of the power of the tongue to impact our lives and those around us. The tongue has the power to inflict both life and death. Because of its power, we’re encouraged to “love it,” which means to respect it and to use it with care. If we do so the product of our speech will bring satisfaction to our lives. We’ll “eat its fruit” and enjoy the blessing the wise use of our speech brings to our relationships.

The tongue can do great harm or it can do great good. When Daryl Green was being inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame, he reflected on the impact his father had on him. He said, “Everyone else told me I was too small. But my dad said, ‘You can run the ball.’ Everyone else said, ‘No,’ but my dad said, ‘Go.’” Green was reflecting on the difference words made in his life. Words contain the power of death: “You’re too small.” But they also contain the power of life: “You can run the ball.” What a difference words can make! With your words you can hurt or you can heal, you can build up or you can tear down.

In my next few posts, I’ll get more specific about the kind of words that bring life and the kind that bring death.


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A Legacy of Mercy

Is the legacy of Christianity merciful or merciless? Yesterday I preached on 1 John 3:11-24. The message was called, “Love Life” because at the heart of the message was the idea that those who claim to know God must love like God. I had intended to include a quote from historian Rodney Stark in which he argues that Christianity’s emphasis on mercy was the primary factor that captured the attention of the ancient world. Stark writes: “In the midst of the squalor, misery, illness, and anonymity of ancient cities, Christianity provided an island of mercy and security. In contrast, in the pagan world, and especially among the philosophers, mercy was regarded as a character defect and pity as a pathological emotion: because mercy involves providing unearned help or relief, it is contrary to justice. Thus humans must learn to curb the impulse to show mercy. Showing mercy was a defect of character unworthy of the wise and excusable only in those who have not yet grown up. This was the moral climate in which Christianity taught that a merciful God requires humans to be merciful.” My hope is that the church today might continue this legacy of mercy while still holding onto the truth of the Word of God.


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The Pursuit of Glory

“To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.” Romans 2:7

I’ve always been intrigued by this verse. The Apostle Paul, writing to the church at Rome, says that it’s a good thing for us to seek glory, honor and immortality! My first reaction to that is that it’s wrong and selfish for us to seek after such things. Do not these things belong to God alone? This MUST mean that we should seek glory and honor for God, not ourselves!

Images come to mind of the athlete who is driven towards personal achievement because of the glory, honor and immortality it will give him. He’ll stop at nothing to make himself better because his own sense of personal worth is found in his success. The same principle is what drives so many people, whether it be in the arena of sports, business or entertainment.

It seems we’re somehow wired to pursue glory, honor and immortality, not just for God, but for ourselves.

In this context I can’t help but think of what C.S. Lewis wrote in his book, The Weight of Glory, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are halfhearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Perhaps our problem isn’t that we desire glory and honor for ourselves, but rather that we seek to fulfill that desire in the wrong ways. This is consistent with what Paul says in the verse from Romans following the one quoted above, “But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.” We aren’t to seek glory, honor and immortality in “drink, sex and ambition,” but “by persistence in doing good.” 

The Scriptures are clear that the glory God gives surpasses anything that this world can offer. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul speaks of an “eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison” (2 Cor. 4:17). The glory and honor that we’ll receive from God is far greater than any glory we can achieve here on earth. It’s greater in at least three ways:

First, it’s a greater glory in its ability to satisfy. Those who have achieved the glory they so diligently pursued through selfish pursuits almost unanimously testify that it didn’t really do for them what they thought it would do. Many of these people “crash and burn” after achieving the very thing they worked so hard for. Part of the reason for that is they still have to live with themselves! Their circumstances have changed, but they haven’t. The glory God promises us is greater because it will involve a change in our very selves, an inward moral transformation. This is what Paul was talking about in 2 Corinthians 3:18, “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”

Second, it’s a greater glory in how long it lasts. The glory of our personal accomplishments is a fading glory; it comes and goes. We’re like an alcoholic who has a greater and greater tolerance to alcohol and needs increasingly more to be satisfied. Yet, Paul speaks of the “eternal weight of glory.” The glory that God will give us will never fade. It will never run out. It will endlessly satisfy.

Third, it’s a greater glory in what it took to achieve it. I think of the blood, sweat and tears people are willing to endure to find some kind of glory here on earth. There’s the blood-smeared boxer emerging victorious to win the title he dreamed about as a boy, or the scientist who has worked a lifetime in obscurity, finally winning a Nobel Prize. These are impressive achievements because of the sacrifice and dedication it took to achieve them. Yet, the glory God offers was earned through far greater sacrifice and dedication than we can imagine. The Lord of glory, Jesus Christ, offered himself to be nailed in humiliation to a Roman cross, so that we might share in his glory, honor and immortality!

In The Lord of the Rings, all members of the Fellowship of the Ring stake their lives on a future realization of the glory beyond the bounds of the world. Their devotion to their quest to destroy a magical yet seductive ring doesn’t depend on any certainty about their own success. Near the end of their journey Frodo and Sam are alone, deep within Mordor crawling like insects across the wilderness. All their efforts seem to have failed. Even if they succeed in destroying the Ring, there’s no likelihood they’ll survive, or that anyone will ever hear of their courageous deed. They seem doomed to oblivion. Yet amidst such apparent hopelessness, Sam sees a single star shimmering above the dark clouds of Mordor. The glory of it smote his heart and faith returned to him. He realized that in the end the darkness was only a small and passing thing: there was light and glory forever beyond its reach. Now, for a moment, his own fate, and even his master’s, ceased to trouble him. Sam has never before allowed himself to sleep because he felt he was responsible for Frodo’s safety, but now he crawled back into the brambles and fell into a deep sleep; a sign of faith that their ultimate well-being lay beyond any evil that Gollum or Sauron could inflict on them. Sam has found faith in a glorious future that will last.

Sam’s faith reminds me of Abraham of whom it was said, “He was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God” (Hebrews 11:10). This is the call of every Christ-follower: to seek glory, honor and immortality for ourselves, not through the trivial pursuits of this world, but by faith investing our lives in that which will last.


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Parenting Skill #3: Discipline

The third and final skill is that of discipline. Proverbs says a lot about the discipline of our children. It clearly lays this responsibility upon the parent’s shoulders. When Proverbs talks about discipline it’s clearly talking about somehow creating consequences for our children when they willfully disobey. This includes spanking, what Proverbs refers to as “the rod of discipline.” But as a child gets older and spanking is no longer appropriate it should include other forms of punishment such as taking away a privilege or assigning an unpleasant task or even allowing a child to suffer the natural consequences of his or her actions.

I realize that what I’m saying here isn’t very popular these days. Part of the reason for that is we have a tremendous problem in our society with out-of-control parents and child abuse. The discipline I’m talking about should only be done by a loving parent who is completely in control of his faculties. When done properly, it’s painful for a child, but it doesn’t injure a child. If there are parents who can’t control their own anger and are at all prone to be abusive, then they should find some other form of discipline.

But look at Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” The motive behind all discipline is love. The one who doesn’t discipline his child hates him. Proverbs has a radically different view of discipline than we often do. Many would say that the reason they don’t discipline their children is because they love them too much to hurt them. Parents are rightly concerned about being abusive, but the parent who won’t discipline his child is the truly abusive parent. The parent who won’t discipline his child is creating a situation where the child is bound to fail in life.

Part of the reason for this is the reality of sin in every child’s heart.  Look at 22:15, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” Proverbs has a very realistic view of children. It recognizes the presence of foolishness, sin, and self-will in every child’s heart. We might like to think that every child is born with kind of a clean slate or even a propensity towards good, but that’s not what the Scripture teaches. Yes, every child is of infinite worth to God, but they are born with a bent towards self will. It’s a parent’s job to train a child through discipline that he cannot always have his own way.  And this will pay off later on as that child grows up and learns to submit his will to God. I’ve seen many willful adults, even believers, whose was never broken and still insist on running their own lives.

But all of this is not negative. There’s a positive purpose and result in discipline. Proverbs talks about this in 29:17, “Correct your son and he will give you comfort, he will also delight your soul.” The result of discipline is that a child will bring comfort and delight to his parents. In other words, he’ll be a joy to be around! One of the saddest things is to see a family with an undisciplined child that makes everyone, parents included, miserable. God wants us to enjoy being with our children, but that rarely happens automatically; it takes discipline. I see a profound psychology in this. In order to feel secure and happy, children need parents who are firm in their discipline. A disobedient child is often a child who is trying to find out where his parents stand. If his parents don’t take a stand, he’ll continue to test them until they blow up. Deep down, the child just wants to know that someone cares enough about him to enforce limits.

How do we train our children? We start by knowing them, being students of them. Then we seek to train them by being models to them of authenticity in our own walk with God. We also intentionally impart the truth to them with confidence, with clarity, and by sharing our own story with them. And finally we discipline them in love.


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Parenting Skill #2: Teaching

The second skill which is needed in training our kids is the skill of teaching and communicating truth to our kids. As crucial as it is, it’s not enough to be a model; there needs to be an intentional transmission of truth to our kids. Look at Proverbs 4:1-9 .

Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father,
And give attention that you may gain understanding,

For I give you sound teaching;
Do not abandon my instruction.

When I was a son to my father,
Tender and the only son in the sight of my mother,

Then he taught me and said to me,
Let your heart hold fast my words;
Keep my commandments and live;

Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!
Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.

Do not forsake her, and she will guard you;
Love her, and she will watch over you.

The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding.

Prize her, and she will exalt you;
She will honor you if you embrace her.

She will place on your head a garland of grace;
She will present you with a crown of beauty.

Here we have an inside look at a father teaching his son or daughter. He begins by urging his child to listen to his teaching. He goes on to reflect on how his own father taught him when he was just a young child. He actually recalls some of the things his father said to him. In this conversation we have a very helpful model on how to teach our kids. There are at least three things we can learn from this.

First, we need to be bold. Both of the fathers represented here are not afraid to call their children to account. I see this in the number of commands here, as well as the fact that he seems to equate his own words with that of true wisdom. If we’re going to teach our children there needs to be a kind of godly confidence that we have something to say to them. We need to step up and accept the challenge to be grown ups in our kids’ lives and transmit to them truth that’s rooted in the Scripture. We need not apologize for this. We need not hem and haw.  We have something to say and we need to say it with confidence.

Second, we need to be specific. We need to be clear about what we’re trying to communicate to our kids. As I look at this father’s teaching I’m struck by the fact that he gives the child a very specific goal to pursue. We see it in v. 5 where he says, “Acquire wisdom!” To us wisdom is a nebulous concept, but to the Jewish mind it was a very concrete thing. It had to do with the truth embodied in God’s word. To acquire wisdom meant to revere God by embracing his truth. That’s the goal we must set before our kids—a life which values God’s word.

Third, we need to be personal. As he teaches his son, this father takes time to reminisce about his own childhood. He shares something of his own experience as a child. He recalls a very tender moment when he sat at his father and mother’s knees and learned from them. This isn’t just impersonal truth he is sharing with his son; it’s part of their family heritage. It’s something his own father had given to him and now he is giving it to his child. Our kids need to hear our stories! They need to hear how truth became a reality for us. If it’s part of your family heritage, tell them about that. If it’s not, tell them about how a relationship with God became a reality for you.

So these are three things we learn from the father of Proverbs about teaching our children. The best way to do this is simply as a part of everyday life. This doesn’t all take place in one half-hour you set aside to talk to your kids about God. That’s how a religious home operates. But you don’t want to have a religious home; you want to have a Christ-centered home. In a religious home, God is compartmentalized into one time of the day or week. In a Christ-centered home, He’s allowed to permeate everything we do.

How do we train our children while they are still young?  We model a life of authenticity. And we intentionally communicate the truth of God’s word to them as a part of our everyday lives.