Mark S. Mitchell

Pastor, Writer, Follower of Jesus

Category Archives: Uncategorized


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How to Preach on Marriage, Divorce and Singleness

Marriage, divorce and singleness can be some of the most difficult but rewarding subjects we cover in our preaching and teaching. I generally preach through books of the Bible, and these subjects come up quite often as I do so. At other times, I have chosen to specifically address these subjects as part of a topical series. Either way, these messages always seem to draw more attention and scrutiny than others. The following are ten things I have learned about preaching on these subjects.

  1. Don’t avoid the subject. Preaching on marriage, divorce and singleness can feel like entering a minefield. Besides creating controversy, few of us really enjoy offending people. But these are issues that are immensely significant in people’s lives and the Word of God has lots to say about them. We are called to preach the whole counsel of God. If we avoid the subject we fail to fulfill our calling.
  2. Don’t compromise or apologize. God’s Word has some very clear—cut things to say about marriage, divorce and singleness. We dare not compromise his Word and we need not apologize for it. For example, when it comes to marriage, it is good to remind people that God invented it. It was his idea! Therefore, it stands to reason that we should listen to what he has to say in this area.
  3. Understand the culture. As preachers, we should not have our heads in the sand. We should study our culture and communicate to our people as one who knows how people think in this area and why it makes sense to them. For example, many single adults live together before marriage because of the financial pressures of maintaining two homes. We may not agree with that decision, but at least we can acknowledge the reality of their dilemma.
  4. Show compassion and empathy. There is a great deal of pain, hurt and brokenness in this area, either in people’s family of origin or their current family. Some of that pain has resulted from their own sin and some from the sin of others. If you want people to listen to some of the more challenging things God has to say in this area, it is crucial that you come across as a person who identifies with their brokenness and cares.
  5. Be real. One of the ways you can show that you understand their pain and brokenness is by sharing your own personal struggles and failures in this area. Obviously, you need to exercise discernment as you do that. The pulpit is not your own confessional, but there is a place for appropriate transparency and vulnerability.
  6. Don’t betray confidences. If you are going to share anything about your own family, be sure that they know what you plan to say and give you their permission to share it. Whether it is family or friends, never betray a person’s confidence when using examples or illustrations.
  7. Acknowledge unique scenarios. One of the biggest challenges of preaching on these subjects is there are so many unique scenarios that don’t have easy answers. For example, the Bible seems clear that the only two legitimate reasons for divorce are infidelity or abandonment. But what about physical abuse? Does this constitute a form of abandonment? While you cannot possibly address all of the issues, you should at least acknowledge that they exist and try to give people a wise framework for making hard decisions.
  8. Point them to additional resources. Since you cannot address every situation, you should point people to other resources that can help them, such as counselors, mentors, books and conferences.
  9. Don’t glorify being married or being single. Some believers want to glorify marriage while others want to glorify being single. The fact is, both are legitimate callings and both have their own challenges. While marriage does seem to be the norm for people, we should never forget that both Jesus and Paul were single adults!
  10. Preach that no one is beyond God’s grace. You will preach to people who have experienced failed marriages. You will preach to single adults who are involved in inappropriate relationships. But they are listening to you because in some way God is at work in their life. You must proclaim God’s grace to them through the work of Jesus on the cross. You must give them hope for both forgiveness and change. Think of what Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 NIV).


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The Way of a Man with a Young Woman

“I’m in love!”

She didn’t have to tell me. It was clear from the look on her face—excitement, wonder, joy, and just a tinge of anxiety. All the signs were there.

As followers of Christ, we are sometimes a bit skeptical about this business of falling in love. We say that true love is not something we can “fall” into. We talk about how Hollywood has distorted our view of love to make it more about romantic feelings than true commitment. There are some good reasons to be skeptical.

But, if we are not careful, we who follow Christ will miss out on something the Bible embraces as wonderful and mysterious:

There are three things which are too amazing for me,
four which I don’t understand:
The way of an eagle in the sky,
The way of a snake on a rock,
The way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a young woman.
—Proverbs 30:18-19

In this ancient proverb, the climax is found in the final line: the venturesome and mysterious ways of the soaring eagle, the slithering snake (not poisonous in Palestine), the sailing ship (a source of wonder to the Israelites who, unlike the Phoenicians, were not at home on the sea and on ships)—these build to a climax in the mystery and adventure and attraction between a young man and an eligible young woman.

I don’t understand it! How does an eagle soar through the air? How does a snake slither on a rock? How does a ship glide through the sea? Think of each of these images. Each portrays a seeming ease of movement with no trace being left behind. It seems so natural, but when one tries to explain it, words cannot be found. This is the mystery of a man and woman in love. The first glance of the eye. The rush of the heart. The conversations that flow long into the night. The scary revelation of mutual admiration. The moving towards greater commitment. How does it happen? I don’t know, but I’m glad it does.

It’s too wonderful for me! How does an eagle handle invisible air? How does a snake handle unforgiving rock? How does a ship handle unpredictable seas? It is not easy to negotiate air, rock and sea, much less a young woman! How does it happen? How does he capture her invisible, unforgiving, unpredictable heart? I don’t know, but I’m glad it does happen. I’m glad God created a world where there is something as unpredictable and surprising as this. Aren’t you?

There is one more thing that is even more wonderful than the way of a man with a virgin. It is the way of a man with his wife of 10, 20, or 30-plus years. It is the way of love which grows deeper and stronger and even more wild as the years go by. How come we don’t get tired of each other? How come we still get anxious to meet after a week’s separation? How come our love is kindled again and again through long talks and walks?

It is too wonderful for me. I don’t understand it.


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Should I have a Quiet Time?

How important is it for believers to spend time alone with God? As you can tell from what I write below, I believe it’s worth the effort. Since New Year’s is typically a time many of us make renewed commitments to do such things, I’d like to offer a few thoughts that might help.

As I observe the life of Jesus, I see even He needed time alone with the Father. The Gospels confirm He had a lifelong practice of withdrawing from people to be with God (Luke 5:16). While it doesn’t say He was regimented about when He did it and for how long, it’s clear He did this with regularity. He even appeared to have a special place. His times with God were not cluttered with a list of things to do; they reflect a remarkable simplicity. He simply would spend time away from the crowds in prayer. I have no doubt that this prayer involved both pouring His needs and concerns out to His Father, as well as listening to what the Father was saying to Him as He reflected on the Scripture and listened to the Spirit’s prompting in His own heart. One of the most remarkable things about this is that He often withdrew when the demands upon His life were the greatest. While I so often use the demands on my life as an excuse for putting this time off, Jesus saw them as reasons to pursue God more intently.

Each of us needs to find our own devotional style; one that fits with the particular rhythms of our own life. There is no one right time, place, or way to have a quiet time. Many people have found early in the morning is the best time for them because it sets the tone for the entire day. Others can’t see beyond their coffee cup or crying infant in the morning and choose to snatch some time in the midday or evening. It will help a great deal if you have a place where you can truly be alone and free to express yourself to the Lord without fear of being walked in on. Whatever you do, simple prayer along with reading and meditating upon God’s word ought to be the center of this time. Many people have also found that it’s helpful to write down their thoughts, prayers and revelations in a journal. I suggest you try to think creatively about this time too. Some of us need to get out of a routine that has become dry and lifeless. I have often broken the routine by taking “prayer walks” where I spend an extended time praying, singing, weeping, and worshipping the Lord on a nearby trail.

Don’t place yourself under an impossible burden of having to meet with God too early or for too long. The need for discipline in this area can easily become a source of condemnation, especially for those performance—oriented types like myself. Remember that you’re cultivating a relationship, not trying to set a record or impress someone! It’s God who draws you near, not your own spiritual heroism. There will be days when you daydream more than pray. There will be days when you miss. When you come to Him after a series of missed days, just thank Him that He has continued to draw you near and enjoy His welcome.

Be careful about your expectations for this time. Don’t expect the Lord to give you some “lightning bolt” experience in each quiet time. Just as in any relationship, there will be times when you feel close and there will be times when you feel distant and can’t seem to connect. Don’t get discouraged! Keep pursuing Him! Keep showing up! It’s a process. Like putting pennies in the bank, over time, you’ll notice a difference. You will notice yourself practicing and enjoying His presence throughout the day. You will walk together as familiar friends rather than estranged former acquaintances.

I can’t remember who it was that first encouraged me to have a quiet time, but for them I am grateful. Some have let this practice go after repeated attempts and failures. Others are struggling to keep it consistent. Still others are hearing about this for the first time. Whatever your own situation is, commit yourself afresh to spending your best time each day with God. May it be said of us as it was said of Him: “But He Himself would often slip away to the wilderness to pray.” Luke 5:16


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Lessons from the Life of Solomon

I just completed a three—month study of the life of King Solomon of Israel. We called this series “The Wisest Fool” because that describes Solomon to a tee—he was incredibly wise but squandered his wisdom on foolish living. There are several lessons from his life that stand out for me. Here are just a few:

1. Wisdom is an infinitely valuable gift from God. As a young man, Solomon asked God for a “wise and discerning (listening) heart.” God was pleased with this request and granted him unsurpassed wisdom. How important to me is the pursuit of Godly wisdom? We don’t acquire wisdom innately; no one is born wise. We don’t acquire it by reading a lot of books and having a lot of knowledge. We don’t acquire wisdom just by getting older. We get it by asking God for a heart that listens and heeds His Word. James wrote, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

2. It’s not what you have that matters, it’s what you do with what you have. Solomon had so much going for him. Besides wisdom, God granted him wealth and fame. He also had a Godly father who did everything he could to set him up to succeed. But Solomon demonstrates that being blessed by God in these ways will not keep us away from sin if our hearts turn away from God. Solomon’s wisdom, wealth and fame did not keep him holy, and neither will ours.

3. God graciously and relentlessly pursues us even when our hearts are divided. God showed up in a very personal way three times to Solomon. The first time he offered to grant any request. The second time was more ominous—God presented him with a choice: “If you walk before me faithfully, I’ll bless you, but if you turn away from me, there’ll be consequences for you.” The third time he presented Solomon with the consequences of his action. God raised up three adversaries against Solomon, but even in that there was an opportunity to come clean. I’m so glad I have a God who pursues me and even disciplines me when I am headed in the wrong direction!

4. Disobeying God’s clear commands sets us on a trajectory in which our hearts turn away from Him. Solomon started falling into sin far before he fell into disgrace. As a young man he made an alliance with the king of Egypt and married his daughter. No big deal, right? I mean, he didn’t really love her. It was just the politically expedient thing to do. But it was a big deal. Sin is always a big deal. Before long, Solomon made more and greater compromises until towards the end of his life it says “he loved many foreign women” and built worship centers for their gods! It’s a lesson for us that we need to tend to the little things in our lives. Sin almost always starts with a small compromise, a minor concession, a brief indulgence, but that can make a huge difference in your eventual destination. There’s no telling what we might do if our hearts turn away from God.

5. Solomon gets us ready for another King. Solomon ruled over Israel in what was really the apex of her existence. But as great as his kingdom was, it eventually crumbled. But Solomon prepares us for another King whose kingdom will last forever. Spurgeon wrote, “The kingdom of Israel under the sway of Solomon was a fair type of the reign of our Lord Jesus Christ. The present state of the church may be compared to the reign of David: splendid with victories but disturbed with battles. But there are better days to come, days in which the kingdom shall be extended and become more manifest, and then the Lord Jesus Christ shall be even more conspicuously seen as the Solomon of the kingdom.”


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Qoheleth: Preacher, Teacher, Gatherer

Qoheleth (ko-HEHL-ehth) may seem like a strange name for a blog. It’s actually the name of a book in the Bible (you may know it as Ecclesiastes). The book is named after its protagonist. Often, it is translated as Preacher or Teacher. The name actually comes from a Hebrew word that means to assemble or gather.

I resonate a lot with Qoheleth. Like him, I am a preacher and a teacher. I have served as such for over 25 years at the same church on the San Francisco Peninsula. Like Qoheleth, I see a lot of people (myself included!) seeking for meaning in life in ways that make me cry out, “Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!” Finally, like Qoheleth, deep down I actually believe that meaning can be found in fearing God, working hard and enjoying the simple pleasures of daily life, which are all gifts from the hand of God.

I would like this blog to be a place where I gather meaningful thoughts on life, love and leadership as a human being and a follower of Jesus. These thoughts will represent an assembling of my own reflections, teachings, readings and writings. Besides being a pastor, I am a writer, a husband and a father. From time to time, I will share stories and reflections of my family, my friends, my church and my Lord. They are all very important to me. I am not sure if what I have to say is all that important, but I know that it is important for me to say it. I hope you enjoy Qoheleth!